One of the main concepts I espouse in my work with traumatized people is the importance of recognizing our own goodness.
Yet, even for someone without overt trauma wounding, this can be a tall order. Our society is structured in such a way as to be constantly undermining our innate worth, but…
The Obstruction of Our Goodness
To secure our obedience and cohesion within family, community, the workforce, and the larger world, we are taught to exchange our internal self-knowledge for blind acquiescence to the ‘rules’. If we are found to be acting outside of what’s appropriate, we are injected with shame (through punishment, comparison, and violence). This shame is so painful that we become more pliable to outside direction - for the mere possibility that following the rules may alleviate our pain.
Unfortunately, following the directions of our (deeply misguided and sick) society doesn’t undo the damage caused by the ‘shame-inducing’ tactics used to indoctrinate us.
After a lifetime of this kind of ‘correction’, we develop the idea that there is something inherently wrong with us. Afterall -
If we keep getting punished for being our Self,
doesn’t that mean that we’re simply built wrong?
Our societies have learned how to use this perpetual state of shame to further serve the objectives - but instead of simply securing control, there’s an additional priority at the heart of the modern capitalistic world - greed.
Keeping people in a state of insecurity and fear of unworthiness is a boon to a society bent on feeding the greed (ie, insecurity) of it’s most wealthy citizens.
Remember, shame keeps us pliable, and willing to do nearly anything to alleviate the pain of it. We are in a primed state to be receptive to corporations selling us ‘solutions’ to ease our painful experience.
“Buy this beauty product, and you’ll be attractive enough.”
“Buy this house, and you’ll feel secure enough.”
“Pay for this program, and you’ll be smart enough.”
The majority of us work ourselves to the bone in order to afford these ‘solutions’ that we believe will ease our pain, even when we can clearly see that they’re a weak band-aid, at best.
Yes, this story (the one we’re in right now) is a bleak one - but hopefully it shines some light on where we are, so that we might have better access to where we’re naturally meant to be.
Returning to Goodness
This shame-state that most of us are in is NOT a natural one; it’s one induced by our control-based societal structures (and the people who benefit the most from them). While we may not be able to do much about the overall state of our world, there is so much we can do to help ourselves to be resilient within it.
The number one action of rebellion against shame-inducing control is to have the courage to believe that we are born completely filled-to-the-brim with goodness. And, furthermore, to trust that our goodness is absolutely untouchable by the hands of greed, control, manipulation, fear-mongering, or even violence.
The shift from shame to goodness is a giant leap - one that can often feel too daunting to truly conceive of making.
What if I’m wrong? Won’t that make me look foolish?
Won’t it make me even more susceptible to manipulation?
If you’ve gotten this far in this article, there is likely to be a feeling inside you - one that feels stimulated and excited by what you’re reading. It’s the same place inside you that feels awed at a beautiful sunset, or inspired by the sound of water tumbling over river-rock. That place that feels small yet peaceful when looking up at the vastness of the sparkling night sky.
That place is the place to start.
Love Paves the Way
The “goodness” we see in the world around us - the beauty, some would say - is something we can only feel because we first witnessed it in our Self. We cannot truly conceive of a thing that we haven’t first had some personal experience of.
I know, I know... That shame (and it’s arbiter, the Internal Judge) is screaming at you, giving you a million reasons why this is wrong. Why it’s so much safer to stay the course, to stay in the shame cycle.
Instead of fighting against this ‘voice’, just give it room. Let it thrash and gnash and throw a giant tantrum. And then, love it. This, too, is a part of your innate goodness. The Internal Judge is attempting to keep you safe - it’s trying to love you, the best way it knows how.
Afterall, if you can love that Judge, imagine how much easier it’ll be to love the other, quieter, parts of you.
Believing in, and returning to, our goodness is a slow and patient process. But just as a loving parent with a dysregulated toddler, we must hold calm and loving space for all that pain to work its way out. When we hold ourselves in this way, we soothe the parts of our Self that have been damaged by the control tactics of our society. We pave the way back to our goodness. And through doing this, we also leave lanterns along the path for others.
So, whether you’ve experienced horrific personal traumas or have just gotten caught up in the jaws of our greedy, controlling society, the way Home is the same: a slow journey down the steep but beautiful path back to our own innate goodness.
Comments